This hasn't been a place where Jesus is in your face evident. It's been a place of seeking, of believing, of trusting- even in the unseen and the unknown. Because still, He is here.
I've spent a lot of time asking why I was here. Questions of identity and purpose- why He would put me in a place where I was alone and stripped of everything I held dear. He knows my struggles with purpose and He knows I struggle in remaining faithful even when there is no fruit to be seen. So what was I doing here?
A few months ago, I had asked God why He asked me to love the way I love. And His answer was one that I never fully grasped until this past week.
I'd had kids climbing on me, jumping on my back as I walked holding two others, falling at my feet all week. Children encompassing the true reality of the love of Christ, with humility we can only hope for. But among them, few stood out, as they sat in the background.
She stood by me as the girls played in the rain. Staring blankly. No smile. No joy. I placed my hand on her shoulder and for a brief second, made eye contact. And then her eyes were on the floor again. There was so much brokenness that I wished I could cut off of her pure heart in that moment, but all I could give was love.
When we arrived at the club on Firday afternoon, I found her in the back room painting. Another brief moment of eye contact and it was back behind the walls. A sight I know all too well. But as the afternoon progressed, so did eye contact and so I took the opportunity and sat in the back room with her to color while the other kids played sports outside. The minutes ticked in pure silence, as I watched her. When I went to get up and walk past, she wrapped her arms around my waist and held onto me. For the first time, I felt the walls break down.
He called me here to love, because I love beyond circumstance. He's called me to love, because I know the lack there of. I know the pain. And I know the confusion. But more than anything, I know His love.
When I first got to the Dominican Republic, I thought I was here to see how He is working in this country. But I've found that it has been so much more about finding my identity and purpose in Him and establishing His will for my life. Sometimes we seek to find Him in others, when we need to merely look within ourselves to see Him working.
We are merely vessels of light and hope. When the darkness is overwhelming, He is everpresent. And we are His people.
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