I've seen Him do it time and time again. Entrust me, someone so undeserving and so ordinary, with only the things that He can make extraordinary. Time and time again. Even in my waivering, and even in my unfaithfulness, His trust and love abounds. But let's back up for a few moments.
For a few seconds, I thought that maybe I could pinpoint a definitive time and place where the Lord started entrusting me with His heart and desires for my life. But I was really just racking my brain for a moment that really doesn't matter, because while I want to put a time frame to something, He just whispers, "It's eternal. It started when I created you, for I knew you before you were in your mother's womb; started when I gave My only Begotten Son. I trust you, like My Son trusted Me to take up the cross." His trust knows no time.
This trust that knows no time, that is eternal and has no beginning or end, is something that can only be delved deeper into. It is something that over the past few months, the Lord has been revealing to me as I have begun to really pour my trust unto Him and Him alone. People often say that love is blind, but I've begun to believe that trust is more blind than love could ever be. I prayed for months that God would move mightily and radically, and that only then I would pour my trust into Him. But He would have to move in the most visible way, and I was not ready to acknowledge the fact that trust is a two way highway (and I say highway, because its fast paced and dangerous to the unbeliever, especially when its new or radical.)
My prayers were being answered, but because I was refusing to trust Him, I was blinded to His trust in me. I had asked Him to reveal parts of people's lives to me that they, themselves, would not acknowledge. He did. I asked Him to use me there. He did. And from that grew a deep friendship that radically changed my heart. It was the beginning of mending my heart that had been so misguided and so hurt by trust put in man. Shortly after, I began praying for Him to show me where His heart lay for me. When all directions pointed to home, I grew angry that He would want me in a place that had only caused chaos. But really I was frustrated with the idea of staying on fire for a God that I was unable to remain loyal to, no matter how many church services I attended. Still, He pointed towards home, and I went (not openly or happy about it). He entrusted me with the life of a beautiful four month old. I asked Him to move my heart. He did. I asked Him to hold on with me. He did. Five months worth of holding on, and a new found commitment left me with a withdrawal slip from a university I had adored and a baby, now nine months old and with more joy than I could ever possess, attached to my hip. I asked Him to send me as He saw fit. He did. And He will.
This may pose the question of 'where does this have to do with Him trusting you?' I knew He trusted me with the secrets of another person's heart. Things that were buried, that I could see through. He trusted me to love and to care for an infant out of the overflow of His love. He trusted me enough that He knew I would follow where He led, even if it meant away from a university and all my friends. He trusted me, because He knew I would become unblinded, and until that happened, He held His trust steady and His hand on my heart.
The fact is that sometimes all it takes is a steady flow of whatever it may be, in this case, trust. That steady flow unleashes the very essence of which it is birthed from. The Lord's steady hand gave way as I was unblinded in a moment of complete brokenness, to His love and His trust in me. When I wanted to give up, His Spirit overcame. When I wanted to quit, He reminded me of His promises. And in my state of complete despair, He revealed His greatest purpose for trusting me in the ways He had.
Here's the simple statement. In a few months, I'm leaving for the Dominican Republic/Haiti. Not alone, but with the Lord by my side, and His Spirit dwelling in the very innermost part of my being that so longs to follow Him wherever He leads.
This decision was not my own, which is something that I have come to grips with since being home for the holidays. Applying for passports and mission opportunities, relying and trusting that the Lord will come through with funds and peace leaving the child I have been coraising for eight months, as well as the understanding that does not exist within my family has left me all but sufficient upon myself. But the Lord has trusted me with His heart and with His people, so how could I not trust Him with my life?
I had this vision that followed those four days in which He revealed Haiti to me. I watched the Lord take stones and place them into hearts laid out upon a table, then placing His hand over each like a seal upon each heart. Each one of those stones were individual charcteristics and traits that He, Himself, hand chose for us each to carry and walk in the fullness of; the traits He entrusted us to be the image of. Because if He entrusts us all with unique and individual characteristics, together as a body, we make us the fullness of His image.
I'll leave you with a few scriptures, and a prayer that the Lord shows you His trust in you as you begin to follow the plans He has set out for; the perfect, thought out, predestined plan that only you were created to fulfill.
Isaiah 26:4 "Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal."
Psalm 28:7 "The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him."
Psalm 125:1 "Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever."
Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declared the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Friday, December 30, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
.Unfailing. Love. Everlasting. : The Father's heart
A painstakingly honest confession would be to say that I am broken. The deeper confession would be that when the Lord revealed to me His plans to break many of our hearts for what breaks His, I thought that there was no way for Him to break my heart. I thought to myself, "Why would He want to break my heart? Haven't I been broken enough by this world?" And until about two weeks ago, I fought against breaking, so sure I was going to stand on my own self sufficiency and strength to carry me through the rest of this summer. But, for my brokenness, He's given me love that was promised to be unfailing, and deeper than we could ever love in this world.
The fact is that when I came home this summer, I thought I was just going to waste some time before skipping back to Nashville, the same, if not better strengthened than I felt when I came home. I was home for a mere two days before I realized that I was about to face a bitter world of destruction that could claim lives in a moment's time. The joy and peace I had brought back with me became replaced with fear and anger, sadness and confusion. I sat in the emergency room as they readmitted my brother into intensive care for the second time in a month. And as I watched him lay down in a hospital bed, it was like that, I watched him lay his life down before Satan. He's given in; to this world and his illness, letting Satan come and kill, steal, and destroy his being, and I'm staring death in the face every time I look at him.
It's been two months since my brother got out of the hospital. And now I'm sitting in my room, staring at a crib, letting the music of the mobile play to mask the breathing of a six month old boy. The Lord didn't prepare me to come home and watch my brother slowly kill himself, nor did He prepare me for the role of mother to his six month old son. I never expected to fall so in love with a little boy, but my heart, as it breaks for his innocence in such a vile situation, is captured in his smile and his laughter. A smile that wreaks the truth behind the word love, and a laugh that assures me that God is behind it all; it is all I cling to in the most difficult moments.
John 15:9- "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love."
Let's be honest. A year ago, I would have been incapable of loving someone the way I've learned to love this summer. Love entails compassion, a tender heart, and a revelation of humility in heart connection. Everything I didn't have.
Snapping back into this dark reality, I sat my nephew on my brother's lap last week, but as I pulled back, he looked at me with tear-filled eyes and let out a cry that reminded me of the past two months of joy and pain, beauty and mourning, love and sadness. It was at that moment that I realized what it meant to abide in His love. There is no way I did what I did this summer by my own strength and will. I could tell DJ that I loved him, kiss him, hug him, give him baths and cereal, but that was as far as my humanity would take me alone. God's love is sweeter and boundless. His kisses are better. His hugs are warmer. And there was no way that those sleepless nights with a fussy and teary eyed baby, those moments that I wanted to lay down and not be bothered with such infantile needs, those moments when my compassion needed to be greater than my own frustration were outlasted by my own flesh. The outcome was way too sweet, love in abundance ten times more than the moment before, compassion for the innocence that was unable to speak his pain and release his frustration. At that second, as he reached for me from my brother's lap, I held back the tears that my eyes wanted to shed, and asked God to overcome with His love and faithfulness. And I walked away.
I've meditated on the Father's love over the past week, since that day in my brother's house. My love for my nephew can in no way compare to that love, or at least that is what my conclusion has been. It is too great to measure. It is the love that promises everlasting life. The love that calls us children, brides, lovers. The love that overcomes all sin and all burdens. The love that calls us, saying "Come to Me. I am all you need. I sustain you when you cannot sustain yourself. And I will make you whole. You are made perfect in me." That love that is the very essence by which my brother is still alive and by which my nephew cannot grasp the love that is for him; when that love shows itself, there is nothing that could ever be against us. That is the love that never fails.
1 John 4:18 says that "perfect love casts out all fear", a concept that sometimes is so beyond our grasps. His perfect love carries me through my fears of incapability, lack of sureness, my weakness. Just like it carried us through the desert times, times on mountains, times of pain and confusion. There were numerous times this summer when I questioned if I was doing the right thing by my brother and by my nephew, and I became fearful of what life would be like when I leave. Fear says that he won't thrive or that my brother will die. But His perfect love removes that fear, not only from my heart, but also in the knowledge that He is also the covering over everything that is lacking in my family.
We're called to love; love our neighbors as ourselves, love the lost, the sinful, the broken, love beyond our fleshly desires. And it's a struggle when we want so badly to blame someone for a bad decision or when we get caught up in our own pity. Because the truth is that our love fails in the deepest areas. We change, growing in faith and in being, but along the way we trip and misstep. But He remains. Always and everlasting. Never changing. And it is His love that we must let shine through us; because it is Him that is unfailing and perfect. When we fail, He is our strength and vision.
Psalm 139:13- For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
Jeremiah 1:5- "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.."
This is the love of the Father who created us. I like to think about how much I daydreamed about who my nephew was when he was still in the womb. And how much our parents daydreamed about us before we were born. All the giggling and excitement, your dad talking to you from the outside- in... we think it cannot get any better; that that love is as strong as it gets. But imagine the love that knew you before you were even conceived; it is mind blowing and heart wrenching to know that there is one person who chose you for your parents, chose to make you to be adopted, chose you to be born with challenges, chose your heart's passions and your body's defenses, chose YOU. Before you were even conceived, let alone born. And yet, so often, we run from that kind of love, which is the essence of who God is.
This summer, I don't know about you, but I have been forced to stand in the center of this love. And to drown in the aspects of it that I wanted to run from for so long...who really wants someone to know the deepest parts of them that have scared off others in the past? But over that fact, I have found a love that is greater than life, one that calls us to lean on Him and let Him love through us. And the finalization is something beautiful and only comprehensible when we cling to the Father's love.
So let us let Him be the known and the unknown, as is the love that we portray.
The fact is that when I came home this summer, I thought I was just going to waste some time before skipping back to Nashville, the same, if not better strengthened than I felt when I came home. I was home for a mere two days before I realized that I was about to face a bitter world of destruction that could claim lives in a moment's time. The joy and peace I had brought back with me became replaced with fear and anger, sadness and confusion. I sat in the emergency room as they readmitted my brother into intensive care for the second time in a month. And as I watched him lay down in a hospital bed, it was like that, I watched him lay his life down before Satan. He's given in; to this world and his illness, letting Satan come and kill, steal, and destroy his being, and I'm staring death in the face every time I look at him.
It's been two months since my brother got out of the hospital. And now I'm sitting in my room, staring at a crib, letting the music of the mobile play to mask the breathing of a six month old boy. The Lord didn't prepare me to come home and watch my brother slowly kill himself, nor did He prepare me for the role of mother to his six month old son. I never expected to fall so in love with a little boy, but my heart, as it breaks for his innocence in such a vile situation, is captured in his smile and his laughter. A smile that wreaks the truth behind the word love, and a laugh that assures me that God is behind it all; it is all I cling to in the most difficult moments.
John 15:9- "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love."
Let's be honest. A year ago, I would have been incapable of loving someone the way I've learned to love this summer. Love entails compassion, a tender heart, and a revelation of humility in heart connection. Everything I didn't have.
Snapping back into this dark reality, I sat my nephew on my brother's lap last week, but as I pulled back, he looked at me with tear-filled eyes and let out a cry that reminded me of the past two months of joy and pain, beauty and mourning, love and sadness. It was at that moment that I realized what it meant to abide in His love. There is no way I did what I did this summer by my own strength and will. I could tell DJ that I loved him, kiss him, hug him, give him baths and cereal, but that was as far as my humanity would take me alone. God's love is sweeter and boundless. His kisses are better. His hugs are warmer. And there was no way that those sleepless nights with a fussy and teary eyed baby, those moments that I wanted to lay down and not be bothered with such infantile needs, those moments when my compassion needed to be greater than my own frustration were outlasted by my own flesh. The outcome was way too sweet, love in abundance ten times more than the moment before, compassion for the innocence that was unable to speak his pain and release his frustration. At that second, as he reached for me from my brother's lap, I held back the tears that my eyes wanted to shed, and asked God to overcome with His love and faithfulness. And I walked away.
I've meditated on the Father's love over the past week, since that day in my brother's house. My love for my nephew can in no way compare to that love, or at least that is what my conclusion has been. It is too great to measure. It is the love that promises everlasting life. The love that calls us children, brides, lovers. The love that overcomes all sin and all burdens. The love that calls us, saying "Come to Me. I am all you need. I sustain you when you cannot sustain yourself. And I will make you whole. You are made perfect in me." That love that is the very essence by which my brother is still alive and by which my nephew cannot grasp the love that is for him; when that love shows itself, there is nothing that could ever be against us. That is the love that never fails.
1 John 4:18 says that "perfect love casts out all fear", a concept that sometimes is so beyond our grasps. His perfect love carries me through my fears of incapability, lack of sureness, my weakness. Just like it carried us through the desert times, times on mountains, times of pain and confusion. There were numerous times this summer when I questioned if I was doing the right thing by my brother and by my nephew, and I became fearful of what life would be like when I leave. Fear says that he won't thrive or that my brother will die. But His perfect love removes that fear, not only from my heart, but also in the knowledge that He is also the covering over everything that is lacking in my family.
We're called to love; love our neighbors as ourselves, love the lost, the sinful, the broken, love beyond our fleshly desires. And it's a struggle when we want so badly to blame someone for a bad decision or when we get caught up in our own pity. Because the truth is that our love fails in the deepest areas. We change, growing in faith and in being, but along the way we trip and misstep. But He remains. Always and everlasting. Never changing. And it is His love that we must let shine through us; because it is Him that is unfailing and perfect. When we fail, He is our strength and vision.
Psalm 139:13- For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
Jeremiah 1:5- "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.."
This is the love of the Father who created us. I like to think about how much I daydreamed about who my nephew was when he was still in the womb. And how much our parents daydreamed about us before we were born. All the giggling and excitement, your dad talking to you from the outside- in... we think it cannot get any better; that that love is as strong as it gets. But imagine the love that knew you before you were even conceived; it is mind blowing and heart wrenching to know that there is one person who chose you for your parents, chose to make you to be adopted, chose you to be born with challenges, chose your heart's passions and your body's defenses, chose YOU. Before you were even conceived, let alone born. And yet, so often, we run from that kind of love, which is the essence of who God is.
This summer, I don't know about you, but I have been forced to stand in the center of this love. And to drown in the aspects of it that I wanted to run from for so long...who really wants someone to know the deepest parts of them that have scared off others in the past? But over that fact, I have found a love that is greater than life, one that calls us to lean on Him and let Him love through us. And the finalization is something beautiful and only comprehensible when we cling to the Father's love.
So let us let Him be the known and the unknown, as is the love that we portray.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
...Letting Him care for our damaged hearts...
We're all standing knee deep this summer in the things that break us.
God has really been taking me through this season of revelation on the depths of His love, His desire to care for the damaged parts of our hearts. We've all been separated and torn apart, some of us for good and some for just a short time span, but He's breaking us to have complete reliance on Him and His great power and love. Or so He's been telling me.
When I first left Nashville a few weeks ago, I thought it was so awesome to see where everyone was going- some doing mission work in third world countries, ministry work in other states and countries, some just going home to work and pass by time, and others set to stay in Nashville. What was awesome, was also bittersweet. And as I've spoken to different people, I realized, it was also all in God's plan to develop a greater and stronger army. But in order for Him to build us up, there were parts of us that needed to be torn down; damaged parts of our hearts that need mending.
"My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever." -Psalm 73:26
Some of us have found ourselves face to face with battles of the flesh, our mind acting against our heart, and winning the battle. We have acted out of sheer impulse- kissing that boy didn't seem so wrong in the heat of the moment, according to the flesh. But the real issue lies in a lack of self worth and mistrust of men. Telling yourself that God is your strength, because He is, and letting Him fight for you cancels out flesh and its reign you let it have in your life. He wants to go further and care for your heart, prove to you that you are worthy in His eyes:the only ones that matter, teach you to trust in Him when you cannot trust in man.
Others are finding themselves face to face with isolation and loneliness. We all know that we are never alone when we allow God to be with us, but believing it is another situation. Because we thrive in a residential community all year, living side by side with other believers and partners in conquering for the Kingdom, we forget that sometimes God is our only answer. And all of a sudden we find ourselves hundreds upon hundreds of miles away from one another for 3+ months. It breaks us. Because the enemy's favorite time to speak to us is when we are alone. He wants to get us at our weakest, but as it says so many times "Behold for I am with you." God knows it is hard, that the world is a tough place, and when we face it with no community, we are going to fail. But take heart. He is going to pick up the pieces of the trail we leave as we fall apart, and mend them back together, sewing Himself into the seams- more stitching and stronger thread. He wants to be the foundation of our being- nothing of this world sticking itself into the seams. Purely Jesus. Purely made.
And He's saying "I want you as you are. Broken so I can fix you. Imperfect so I can fill you with my perfection. In darkness so I can show you the light. Come to me, and let me see the damaged parts of your heart. Let me hold you and touch those places. Just Me and you." So often we hide when we are struggling. But in a deep relationship, you wouldn't hide, but share and conquer together. He is the ultimate form of relationship, who knows our struggles without us saying a word, waiting for us to say yes, and let Him mend us with His love and compassion.
I've learned over the past few weeks just how great the power of His love and His mere presence is on day to day life. Sitting in the place that kept me captive from joy and abundant life for so many years, I want to be angry and bitter. I want to be worldly, because it marks itself as being so desirable and so fulfilling. I stray from His presence and linger in the damaged parts of my heart that I've began to rebuild walls around. I live lukewarm because it's easier than letting Him have all my problems and all my pent up emotions, and it's easier than having to confront the hardness that I'm coming up against in people who think walking in faith is crazy or absurd. But no matter how much I stray, He remains constant. He waits for me, desires me, believes in me.
They played "Hosanna" last weekend at church. And as I sat, baby in my lap, something inside me turned. "Break my heart for what breaks yours. Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause..." Memories flooded before my eyes, things that had been said repeated in the back of my mind. I wanted to be angry, be of this world and repay for the damages done to my heart. But the Kingdom is at hand. I want to break for what breaks His heart. I see the brokenness in angry people, feel compassion for the heartless, desire to love the unlovable. Only when I cling to Him. If only we let Him have our hearts, and our hearts completely- damaged and all.... would you?
Take heart in knowing that He is your strength, even when the season seems dim and the enemy's lies are floating in front of your face. And that as we break, we are not alone, but clothed in the promises and everlasting presence of God. It's a season of breaking and mending, sharpening and trusting- He's building an army strong as iron.
God has really been taking me through this season of revelation on the depths of His love, His desire to care for the damaged parts of our hearts. We've all been separated and torn apart, some of us for good and some for just a short time span, but He's breaking us to have complete reliance on Him and His great power and love. Or so He's been telling me.
When I first left Nashville a few weeks ago, I thought it was so awesome to see where everyone was going- some doing mission work in third world countries, ministry work in other states and countries, some just going home to work and pass by time, and others set to stay in Nashville. What was awesome, was also bittersweet. And as I've spoken to different people, I realized, it was also all in God's plan to develop a greater and stronger army. But in order for Him to build us up, there were parts of us that needed to be torn down; damaged parts of our hearts that need mending.
"My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever." -Psalm 73:26
Some of us have found ourselves face to face with battles of the flesh, our mind acting against our heart, and winning the battle. We have acted out of sheer impulse- kissing that boy didn't seem so wrong in the heat of the moment, according to the flesh. But the real issue lies in a lack of self worth and mistrust of men. Telling yourself that God is your strength, because He is, and letting Him fight for you cancels out flesh and its reign you let it have in your life. He wants to go further and care for your heart, prove to you that you are worthy in His eyes:the only ones that matter, teach you to trust in Him when you cannot trust in man.
Others are finding themselves face to face with isolation and loneliness. We all know that we are never alone when we allow God to be with us, but believing it is another situation. Because we thrive in a residential community all year, living side by side with other believers and partners in conquering for the Kingdom, we forget that sometimes God is our only answer. And all of a sudden we find ourselves hundreds upon hundreds of miles away from one another for 3+ months. It breaks us. Because the enemy's favorite time to speak to us is when we are alone. He wants to get us at our weakest, but as it says so many times "Behold for I am with you." God knows it is hard, that the world is a tough place, and when we face it with no community, we are going to fail. But take heart. He is going to pick up the pieces of the trail we leave as we fall apart, and mend them back together, sewing Himself into the seams- more stitching and stronger thread. He wants to be the foundation of our being- nothing of this world sticking itself into the seams. Purely Jesus. Purely made.
And He's saying "I want you as you are. Broken so I can fix you. Imperfect so I can fill you with my perfection. In darkness so I can show you the light. Come to me, and let me see the damaged parts of your heart. Let me hold you and touch those places. Just Me and you." So often we hide when we are struggling. But in a deep relationship, you wouldn't hide, but share and conquer together. He is the ultimate form of relationship, who knows our struggles without us saying a word, waiting for us to say yes, and let Him mend us with His love and compassion.
I've learned over the past few weeks just how great the power of His love and His mere presence is on day to day life. Sitting in the place that kept me captive from joy and abundant life for so many years, I want to be angry and bitter. I want to be worldly, because it marks itself as being so desirable and so fulfilling. I stray from His presence and linger in the damaged parts of my heart that I've began to rebuild walls around. I live lukewarm because it's easier than letting Him have all my problems and all my pent up emotions, and it's easier than having to confront the hardness that I'm coming up against in people who think walking in faith is crazy or absurd. But no matter how much I stray, He remains constant. He waits for me, desires me, believes in me.
They played "Hosanna" last weekend at church. And as I sat, baby in my lap, something inside me turned. "Break my heart for what breaks yours. Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause..." Memories flooded before my eyes, things that had been said repeated in the back of my mind. I wanted to be angry, be of this world and repay for the damages done to my heart. But the Kingdom is at hand. I want to break for what breaks His heart. I see the brokenness in angry people, feel compassion for the heartless, desire to love the unlovable. Only when I cling to Him. If only we let Him have our hearts, and our hearts completely- damaged and all.... would you?
Take heart in knowing that He is your strength, even when the season seems dim and the enemy's lies are floating in front of your face. And that as we break, we are not alone, but clothed in the promises and everlasting presence of God. It's a season of breaking and mending, sharpening and trusting- He's building an army strong as iron.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Human Imperfection...I'll take it.
Perfection: The condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.
I'm pretty sure the appropriate definition is God. And if we looked up its antonym, we should be able to find the word human.
I've been laying in my bed late at night in the dark lately, listening to the noise upstairs, having my brother walk in my room and tell me I'm weird for laying here like this, sitting in silence. But more than that, I've been thinking about our imperfections as humans, more so my own imperfection and my own attempt to look perfect to the outside world.
And today as I got dressed to go out, I said to myself, "Okay Lindsay, put your blazer on, some eyeliner, the right shoes. Put on that smile you have attached yourself to through thick and thin, and pretend for another couple of hours." That's what I did. It seemed real for the few hours I was out. I felt perfect. The world could see my smile, the new dress I bought, the pin straight hair I perfected before I got out of the car. But tonight, sitting in a youth group, something broke in me. That new dress sat in my closet, my hair was pinned back, my smile traded in for tears and a closed mouth.
The Lord said, "You're imperfect. But that is perfect for me, because I want you to be that vision of imperfection that draws in girls behind you- the imperfection that says I want to be closer to the one perfection that is greater than all the issues my imperfection brings. Don't hide behind masked perfection- shine light on it."
Perfection masks all of our insecurities and all of our missteps. It covers our sin, and if we can look like we haven't struggled and haven't hurt before, we are golden. Wrong. The fact is that we were created for sin- we mess up, we repent, we go a little further, we mess up again...keep the cycle going. And by His wounds we have been saved- all of our imperfections are covered, so why do we continue to try and cover them with human material and quite honestly, crap?
What if we looked at the picture through clean eyes? His grace and mercy is what sustains us in all of our imperfection. We were not created to live in shaded imperfection. Come out of the forest of shade and masked perfection to see the light and what true perfection looks like- His creation, His beauty, His mercy for the lost who come out to seek His face.
I'm creeping along the outside of that forest. I'm seeing parts of His beauty and parts of His mercy that bring more awe into my life everyday. But I'm still hiding- I'm not going to lie. I still want to put that perfect dress on and wear that eyeliner that will keep me from crying and exposing any flaw I may have.
However, tomorrow is a new day. A minute from now is a new moment. And in that time, I'm going to admit to myself. "I'm not perfect. But I will be that vision of imperfection if it means I get one step closer to feeling the grace and mercy of Perfection itself."
I'm pretty sure the appropriate definition is God. And if we looked up its antonym, we should be able to find the word human.
I've been laying in my bed late at night in the dark lately, listening to the noise upstairs, having my brother walk in my room and tell me I'm weird for laying here like this, sitting in silence. But more than that, I've been thinking about our imperfections as humans, more so my own imperfection and my own attempt to look perfect to the outside world.
And today as I got dressed to go out, I said to myself, "Okay Lindsay, put your blazer on, some eyeliner, the right shoes. Put on that smile you have attached yourself to through thick and thin, and pretend for another couple of hours." That's what I did. It seemed real for the few hours I was out. I felt perfect. The world could see my smile, the new dress I bought, the pin straight hair I perfected before I got out of the car. But tonight, sitting in a youth group, something broke in me. That new dress sat in my closet, my hair was pinned back, my smile traded in for tears and a closed mouth.
The Lord said, "You're imperfect. But that is perfect for me, because I want you to be that vision of imperfection that draws in girls behind you- the imperfection that says I want to be closer to the one perfection that is greater than all the issues my imperfection brings. Don't hide behind masked perfection- shine light on it."
Perfection masks all of our insecurities and all of our missteps. It covers our sin, and if we can look like we haven't struggled and haven't hurt before, we are golden. Wrong. The fact is that we were created for sin- we mess up, we repent, we go a little further, we mess up again...keep the cycle going. And by His wounds we have been saved- all of our imperfections are covered, so why do we continue to try and cover them with human material and quite honestly, crap?
What if we looked at the picture through clean eyes? His grace and mercy is what sustains us in all of our imperfection. We were not created to live in shaded imperfection. Come out of the forest of shade and masked perfection to see the light and what true perfection looks like- His creation, His beauty, His mercy for the lost who come out to seek His face.
I'm creeping along the outside of that forest. I'm seeing parts of His beauty and parts of His mercy that bring more awe into my life everyday. But I'm still hiding- I'm not going to lie. I still want to put that perfect dress on and wear that eyeliner that will keep me from crying and exposing any flaw I may have.
However, tomorrow is a new day. A minute from now is a new moment. And in that time, I'm going to admit to myself. "I'm not perfect. But I will be that vision of imperfection if it means I get one step closer to feeling the grace and mercy of Perfection itself."
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