I've seen Him do it time and time again. Entrust me, someone so undeserving and so ordinary, with only the things that He can make extraordinary. Time and time again. Even in my waivering, and even in my unfaithfulness, His trust and love abounds. But let's back up for a few moments.
For a few seconds, I thought that maybe I could pinpoint a definitive time and place where the Lord started entrusting me with His heart and desires for my life. But I was really just racking my brain for a moment that really doesn't matter, because while I want to put a time frame to something, He just whispers, "It's eternal. It started when I created you, for I knew you before you were in your mother's womb; started when I gave My only Begotten Son. I trust you, like My Son trusted Me to take up the cross." His trust knows no time.
This trust that knows no time, that is eternal and has no beginning or end, is something that can only be delved deeper into. It is something that over the past few months, the Lord has been revealing to me as I have begun to really pour my trust unto Him and Him alone. People often say that love is blind, but I've begun to believe that trust is more blind than love could ever be. I prayed for months that God would move mightily and radically, and that only then I would pour my trust into Him. But He would have to move in the most visible way, and I was not ready to acknowledge the fact that trust is a two way highway (and I say highway, because its fast paced and dangerous to the unbeliever, especially when its new or radical.)
My prayers were being answered, but because I was refusing to trust Him, I was blinded to His trust in me. I had asked Him to reveal parts of people's lives to me that they, themselves, would not acknowledge. He did. I asked Him to use me there. He did. And from that grew a deep friendship that radically changed my heart. It was the beginning of mending my heart that had been so misguided and so hurt by trust put in man. Shortly after, I began praying for Him to show me where His heart lay for me. When all directions pointed to home, I grew angry that He would want me in a place that had only caused chaos. But really I was frustrated with the idea of staying on fire for a God that I was unable to remain loyal to, no matter how many church services I attended. Still, He pointed towards home, and I went (not openly or happy about it). He entrusted me with the life of a beautiful four month old. I asked Him to move my heart. He did. I asked Him to hold on with me. He did. Five months worth of holding on, and a new found commitment left me with a withdrawal slip from a university I had adored and a baby, now nine months old and with more joy than I could ever possess, attached to my hip. I asked Him to send me as He saw fit. He did. And He will.
This may pose the question of 'where does this have to do with Him trusting you?' I knew He trusted me with the secrets of another person's heart. Things that were buried, that I could see through. He trusted me to love and to care for an infant out of the overflow of His love. He trusted me enough that He knew I would follow where He led, even if it meant away from a university and all my friends. He trusted me, because He knew I would become unblinded, and until that happened, He held His trust steady and His hand on my heart.
The fact is that sometimes all it takes is a steady flow of whatever it may be, in this case, trust. That steady flow unleashes the very essence of which it is birthed from. The Lord's steady hand gave way as I was unblinded in a moment of complete brokenness, to His love and His trust in me. When I wanted to give up, His Spirit overcame. When I wanted to quit, He reminded me of His promises. And in my state of complete despair, He revealed His greatest purpose for trusting me in the ways He had.
Here's the simple statement. In a few months, I'm leaving for the Dominican Republic/Haiti. Not alone, but with the Lord by my side, and His Spirit dwelling in the very innermost part of my being that so longs to follow Him wherever He leads.
This decision was not my own, which is something that I have come to grips with since being home for the holidays. Applying for passports and mission opportunities, relying and trusting that the Lord will come through with funds and peace leaving the child I have been coraising for eight months, as well as the understanding that does not exist within my family has left me all but sufficient upon myself. But the Lord has trusted me with His heart and with His people, so how could I not trust Him with my life?
I had this vision that followed those four days in which He revealed Haiti to me. I watched the Lord take stones and place them into hearts laid out upon a table, then placing His hand over each like a seal upon each heart. Each one of those stones were individual charcteristics and traits that He, Himself, hand chose for us each to carry and walk in the fullness of; the traits He entrusted us to be the image of. Because if He entrusts us all with unique and individual characteristics, together as a body, we make us the fullness of His image.
I'll leave you with a few scriptures, and a prayer that the Lord shows you His trust in you as you begin to follow the plans He has set out for; the perfect, thought out, predestined plan that only you were created to fulfill.
Isaiah 26:4 "Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal."
Psalm 28:7 "The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him."
Psalm 125:1 "Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever."
Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declared the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
